The Emotional Side of Birth: How It Carries Into Feeding Success By Tiara Monson, Guest Blog

When people think about feeding a baby, they usually picture the mechanics: latch, bottles, pumping schedules, ounces. But here’s the truth: feeding is never just physical. It is deeply emotional. It is shaped by your birth story, by the kind of support you have, and by how safe and cared for you feel in those first raw weeks.

I know this because I have lived it. Both of my feeding journeys looked completely different, and both were shaped by what came before them. After years of sitting in the living rooms and hospital rooms of families across Utah, I have also seen the same pattern play out again and again. How you experience birth shows up in how you experience feeding.

Your Birth Story Matters More Than You Realize

I will never forget being 18 years old, with less than a day’s notice that I would be having a C-section. I had not taken a birth class. I did not know what questions to ask. No one explained that the spinal, the nausea meds, and everything else would leave me feeling foggy, loopy, and disconnected.

I was exhausted and overwhelmed, lying in that hospital bed trying to feed my baby. When my son struggled to latch on one side, the consultant did not teach me or encourage me. She quickly pushed alternatives. In that moment, I felt like I was already failing. My feeding journey ended earlier than I wanted, and I carried a lot of shame with me. Looking back now, I see how little of that was my fault. It was the lack of real support and education that made the difference.

Fast forward four years. Another C-section. This time, though, I came in with knowledge. I knew what side effects to expect, and I decided to avoid the nausea meds that had made things so much harder before. Feeding was still tough. Recovering from surgery while trying to nurse a newborn will never be simple. But it felt completely different. I was not blindsided this time. I was prepared. I had support. And that turned my second feeding experience into something healing and powerful.

I have seen this in my clients too. Parents who felt dismissed, pressured, or unheard during birth often carry that same weight into feeding. It shows up as self-doubt, middle-of-the-night tears, or a quiet sense that they are already behind. On the other hand, families who feel respected and supported in birth often enter feeding with more confidence, even when the challenges are real.

Feeding Is About More Than Just the Baby

“Fed is best” is true, but I think we sometimes forget that how you feel while feeding matters just as much as whether the baby is fed.

I have been in the room for the 2 a.m. meltdowns when nothing seems to be working. I have seen moms cry while saying, “Why does this feel so hard if it is supposed to be natural?” I have seen parents bottle-feeding who were terrified they were not “doing it right.”

And I have also seen the shift that happens when support is in place. When someone brings you water and a snack, adjusts your pillow, or simply says, “You are doing a good job.” When a doula or lactation consultant sits beside you instead of rushing to fix everything. Feeding becomes less of a fight and more of a bond.

Because feeding is not just about the baby. It is about you too. Your nervous system, your confidence, your ability to feel seen and supported.

The Mind-Body Connection

 

 

Your body and your emotions are always talking to each other, especially in postpartum. Stress, trauma, and exhaustion can absolutely affect feeding.

I have seen parents so anxious and tense that their milk would not let down, then later, in a calmer and supported space, things flowed with ease. I have watched babies pick up on their parent’s stress during bottle feeds, squirming and fussing, only to relax once the parent took a deep breath and slowed down.

This does not mean you are doing something wrong. It just shows how connected you and your baby are. When you feel safe and supported, your body often responds in kind.

How Birth Processing Can Help

Sometimes the weight of birth lingers quietly in the background. Maybe you keep replaying moments in your mind. Maybe there is anger about how you were treated, or grief that things did not go as planned. Those feelings do not disappear when you walk out of the hospital, and they can carry right into how you feed and bond with your baby.

Birth processing is a powerful way to work through those emotions. With the right support, you can unpack what happened, name your feelings, and start to heal from the harder parts of your story. Perinatal therapists, postpartum doulas, and even support groups can give you space to process birth without judgment.

When parents process their birth, they often tell me that feeding feels different afterward. They feel lighter, more connected, and less consumed by self-doubt. Working through the emotional side of birth is not about rewriting your story, it is about reclaiming your strength and finding peace in it.

Support Makes All the Difference

Support can look a lot of different ways, and none of them are more valid than another.

It might be:

• A postpartum doula setting up your pump, washing parts, and storing milk so you can rest
  
  
• An IBCLC creating a feeding plan that actually works for you
  
  
• A perinatal therapist helping you process your birth and how it is showing up now
  
  
• A partner who makes sure you always have water and snacks nearby
  
  

And it might also be choosing to feed in a way you did not originally plan. Formula, bottles, pumping, donor milk, or a mix of it all. None of those paths make you a failure. What matters is that you and your baby are nourished, and that you are not doing it all alone.

A Permission Slip for You

If feeding feels harder than you expected, I want you to hear this: you are not failing. You are tired. You are healing. You are human.

It is okay if breastfeeding did not work out the way you wanted. It is okay if you switched to pumping, combo feeding, or formula. You do not have to earn rest or prove your worth by sticking to one plan. The goal is not perfection. The goal is a fed baby and a cared-for parent.

The Bottom Line

Your birth story does not stop when you leave the hospital. It follows you home, it shows up in how you feed, and it shapes how you feel. The emotional side of birth is powerful, but with the right support, it does not have to weigh you down.

If feeding feels heavy, reach out. Whether that is an IBCLC, a postpartum doula, or a perinatal therapist, you deserve to feel cared for and supported. You do not have to carry it alone.

Author Bio

Tiara Monson is the co-owner of Utah Postpartum Care, a Certified Postpartum Doula, a Newborn Care Specialist and a healthcare professional with more than 12 years of caregiving experience. She is a mom of two, a bonus mom of four, and a passionate advocate for supporting families through every life transition.